My Old Burrow (15 days)

I am posting, just briefly, from my old burrow in grad school library. It's strange to be here. I came for a grad conference, but tacked on an extra day in case I wanted to meet with people or take care of loose ends--just a way of making the trip more relaxed and productive. Now I'm a bit homesick and I miss Pocket of Bolts, but overall it was a really good choice. I've found a ton of interesting stuff in the well-stocked library, got a lot of electronic goodies from one of my younger classmates, and reconnected with one of my old grad school buddies that I had drifted out of touch with. It's a nice feeling.

The first time I came back here after being in China, I felt incredibly disconnected and ill-at-ease. But maybe because this time I'm here for a conference or maybe because I have finally started to get to know all the younglings, I have felt a little more comfortable.

Last night I stayed with one of my bridesmaids and her significant other. They live in the same housing complex PoB and I used to live in, and it's one of those where all the units are either identical or mirror. My friend's unit is identical, and also we gave them our old dining room table when we left. So being in their place is extremely nostalgic, a whole complicated set of memories from more than two years ago, when the relationship between PoB was much younger than it is now!

I didn't sleep very well (too much caffeine I think), worrying pointlessly about things that turned out to be small and trivial when I woke up and actually thought about them. Around 6:30 this morning I went out for a run. I ran the old loop that we used to do when we lived here. I remember it being so hard! But my body is such a machine now. I finished the loop, even did an extra curlicue, and was still ready for more. So I ran down to the nearby canal, a much longer run. Everything was so interesting, though, that I barely felt it. Honeysuckle is in bloom here right now, and there's a lot of humidity in the air, making the smell of it very heavy and thick. It's not hot, however. It is very late-spring, everything lush and green.

Well, I must go catch my plane now. Every time I come here I vow that I should really spend more time here, that I would get a lot more work done if I did. But then when I'm in Chicago and contemplating leaving there, I feel that it's all a dreadful mistake. It's strange belonging (and not belonging) in two different places.