Insight number two, teaching is really hard, even when you're teaching stuff you have down cold. I approached my first week of classes with an almost comical level of anxiety juxtaposed with a pretty calm, confident outward demeanor. I mean, even on the first day my hands didn't shake, my mouth didn't get dry, and things really went reasonably smoothly--even though I felt jumping-off-the-high-dive terrified beforehand. The rest of the days were a little uneven, some better than others. Being able to gauge the pace of learning is clearly just something that comes with experience; it's really hard for me to tell when I'm going over material too fast, until (say) I have them break into groups and we all discover that they were completely confused. But I have done my best to at least keep things moving and varied, so the class won't be TOO boring. I'm cautiously optimistic. But it's taking tons of time.
In case it's not clear, this is the first time I've ever taught my own class. I've done discussion sections for big lectures before, but never been responsible for things like syllabi and pace. Fortunately my "boss" is very helpful and understanding. She taught the class last year and handed down all her materials to me. But even so, it's a lot of work. It's also a confidence boost, though, as I'd hoped it would be. If I can get up in front of a roomful of people and keep all the balls in the air, so to speak, surely I can write a dissertation which can be done is small unhurried stages in the privacy of my own home? Still working on that one, but early signs are cautiously optimistic.
Meanwhile, yesterday we had to buy things. I had to buy clothes AGAIN because it turns out I really only have one week's worth of presentable "teaching-worthy" outfits. Shopping is hard. PoB claims to like the results. But dressing up still makes me feel like a monkey--leftover trauma from my consulting days nine years ago, I guess. I realize that that was actually the last time I spent any serious money on clothes, so you can imagine what I've been wearing since: miscellaneous assemblage of dumpster pickings, GoodWill and such, and the occasional splurge at TJMax or Old Navy. Not that the stuff I am getting now is MUCH above that but I'm at least trying to make it the nicer end, and look like it's better. But it does wear me out...
In other news, we have FINALLY(!) completed our basic essential furnishings, defined as, those necessary before we feel comfortable having guests. Couch was high on that list, then table, finally dining room chairs. We bought the chairs separately (wincing and grumbling at the price--why do chairs have to be SOOOO expensive?) but I think they look like a pretty decent match. Who wants to come to dinner? :)Well, I'd like to write more, but I had better get started on dissertation work. Now that the (really incredibly stressful) first week is over, I'm hoping I'll have a bit more time for blogging.
3 comments:
teaching was incredibly exhausting for me too. i think it's the introvert factor. when you have to be "on" for a whole hour at a time, and not just "on" but interesting, it is tiring for people like us who are normally focused inward.
i think your chairs match great! i wouldn't have known they weren't bought with the table if you hadn't said so.
hee, thanks. I agree with you about why teaching's hard for us introverts. I also have this nagging feeling that if I'd been one of the popular kids back when I was their age I'd know how to make them like me better. Silly, I know!
oh yeah...i had far fewer hangups about teaching my chinese students than i would american college students! in china i was "cool", or at least interesting, simply because of my waiguoren status :)
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